Lemons In The Fog
Also available at Judaica stores worldwide
Lemons in the Fog portrays the slow unraveling of 19 year old Meir’s mind as he suddenly finds himself drifting off from his intense learning sessions at Yeshiva. He is led down a path that no one willingly wishes to take; forced to leave behind his beloved yeshiva life, he finds himself trapped in a psych ward feeling abandoned by family and society. Not wanting to engage with therapists or medications, Meir is hopeless, until he begins to trust those whom he never would have trusted before.
Meir’s hopes, attempts, accomplishments, disappointments, and realizations are all part of one journey, interwoven to reconstruct the new Meir, the one he has to live with and love for the rest of his life.
Lemons in the Fog is a book born of necessity, from hearing the silent cries of the members of the Jewish Orthodox Community struggling to maintain secrecy while trying desperately to preserve their dignity. Many of these anonymous young woman and men live among us in our shuls, educational institutions and our social networks and daily fight an upward battle. To them should be given the medal of honor for bravery and perseverance.
Lemons in the Fog was written to expose this struggle and to highlight the real-life challenges they face. By creating empathy for Meir, the main character in this riveting novel, and by following along with him through his surprise encounter with mental illness, I will have opened the door for engendering empathy and compassion, born of understanding the exhausting hardship of family members, friends, and neighbors. Through no fault of his own, has his soul’s journey been entrusted with this mission, and who are we to judge?
Due to the close-knit nature of the Jewish community, the stigma of mental illness is magnified, as is the distrust of mental health professionals undermining Jewish mores. Therefore, families choose to hush up anything related to mental illness or other unpleasant matters, hoping not to affect opportunities for their families in regard to marriage, jobs, and social status. The goal of my book is to create awareness of this self-imposed stigma and isolation, and to emphasize how this impedes the recovery and stability of those in our community battling these issues.
Book Excerpts
The melody in my head drew me inward, monopolizing my focus. My feverish pace increased as I extended my hand in front of me, resting it on an imaginary shoulder. Driven by a relentless force I didn’t understand, I danced round and round for hours.
Lying in bed, I saw a lemon tree through the window with its branches stretching out toward the sky. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the yellow, orbed fruit for hours. When my head cleared, the yellow color against the blue sky was magnificently cheerful, but when my moods dipped, it morphed into a dull, grayish tone, barely distinguishable from the rest of the gray world I saw. On sunny days, the lemons dazzled and danced before my eyes. I envied the freedom of the fruits swaying in the breeze while I lay motionless in bed.
Once I was in motion, I couldn’t stop myself. It was a terrifying feeling, losing control of my own limbs. I tried to grab hold of a trunk from one of the trees and it bent my finger backwards. I ran out of the grove, approaching the highway. The cars were getting closer. Where was I going? I ran alongside the road for a few feet, and then abruptly turned around and headed back to the rehabilitation farm. I dashed at breakneck speed back through the olive trees and towards the group still waiting there. They’d sat down to await my return, used to different boys acting out irrationally in turns. They understood, they knew, they were my new family, my true friends. Would we all leave here together? The terrifying thought of having to face the world on my own came thundering down on me and I knew then and there that I couldn’t leave here alone.
My learning pace slowed and I could hear the pages turning, something I’d never been mindful of before. My chavrusa awkwardly asked me permission to learn with someone else. I nodded, choked up, as he moved over to a different table. I finished the page shaking my head briskly back and forth to reel in my wandering mind, but as I turned to the next page, the haze began to win.
I stood there, and for the first time since I became ill, tears streamed down my cheeks as I watched the rehab gate open and the car with Abba and Uncle Isaac drove away down the road. The gate closed behind them, locking me in.
Our art papers had abstract, seemingly meaningless doodles, weird shapes, and distorted people in dark colors. The pain in the room was real. A boy sitting near me whom Dr. Katz had called Rafi drew a skinny line in the middle of the paper, leaving the rest blank. I quietly asked him what that was.
He looked at me as if debating whether or not to trust me.
“I won’t tell anyone what you say.”
He laughed. “They know all my secrets here. Our secrets could fill oceans.” He winked.
“This is a picture of me. All alone.”
My smile faded and I knew he could see my heart shattering for him.
Glossary
Abba - Father
Aliya - Immigration to Israel
Aliyahs - The honor of being called up to recite blessings preceding the reading of the Torah
Ani yichola la’azor lecha - Can I help you
Aron kodesh - The ark holding the Torah scroll
Ashkenazic - Jews of Eastern European descent
Avraham - The biblical forefather Abraham
Baal koreh - The person who reads aloud from the Torah scroll in the synagogue
Bar mitzvah - The celebration of a Jewish boy turning 13
Beis medrash - Study hall
Beit cafe - Lunchroom
Bentching - 1. Grace after meals 2. Reciting the grace after meals
Bigadim sheli - My clothes
Bima - The raised platform in the synagogue on which the cantors pray and the Torah is placed
Birkas Ha’Mazon - Grace after meals
Bli neder - A phrase used to release one from a promise that one may not keep
Bochurim - Young men, usually rabbinical students
Boreh Pri Ha’Etz - The blessing recited before eating fruit
Boruch Hashem - Thank G-d
Brocha - Blessing
Charedi - Ultra-Orthodox Jews
Chavrusa - A learning partner
Chumash - The first five books of the Bible
Chutzpah -Shameless audacity
Daven - Pray
Dvar Torah - A short talk regarding lessons to be gleaned from passages in the Torah
Divrei Torah - Plural of dvar Torah
Dybbuk - A wandering soul that enters and possesses a person
Eretz Yisroel - The land of Israel
Egged bus - The largest public bus company in Israel
Frum - Religious
Gan Eden - The Garden of Eden
Gemorra - Talmud
Gemorra Brochos - A tractate of the Talmud that deals with blessings and prayer
Get - Jewish divorce contract given by a husband to a wife, without which she cannot remarry
Goyish - Non-Jewish, secular
Hashem - G-d
Hatzlacha - Success
Havdallah - The ritual performed at the end of the Sabbath
Jaffa Gate - One of the seven entrances to the Old City of Jerusalem
JCC - Jewish Community Center
Kallah - Bride
Kashrut - Jewish dietary laws
Kiddush - 1. The prayer recited over wine or grape juice, at the beginning of the Sabbath meals 2. Refreshments served in the synagogue after the Sabbath morning services
Kotel - The outer Western Wall of the Temple in Jerusalem
L’Cha Dodi - A prayer recited at the beginning of the Sabbath
L’chaim - To life
Maariv - The evening prayer
Malbish Arumim - A blessing thanking G-d for clothing us, recited each morning
Malawach - A rich, Yemenite bread
Maseches - A tractate of Talmud
Maseches Taanis - A tractate of the Talmud that deals primarily with fasting
Mazel - Luck/destiny
Mehadrin Kosher - Strict interpretation of the Jewish dietary laws
Melava Malka - Meal eaten after the Sabbath ends
Mezuzah - A piece of parchment containing the text of the Shema and placed on the doorpost of a Jewish home
Midos - Traits
Mincha - The afternoon prayer
Mishnah - The six-book text containing the Jewish oral tradition
Mishnayos - Sections of the Mishnah
Modeh Ani - A blessing recited in the morning thanking G-d for returning our souls
Moshav - A rural community in Israel
Musaf - An additional prayer recited on the Sabbath and festivals
Niggunim - Traditional, wordless, soulful melodies
Novi - Prophet
Oy vey - A Yiddish expression of dismay or suprise
Parsha - A section of the Torah read during a particular week
Payos - Long sideburns worn by ultra-Orthodox Jews
Perek - Chapter
Pirkei Avot -A book of aphorisms containing teachings of past sages
Pushka - Charity box
Rabbeim - Rabbis, teachers
Rav - Rabbinical judge and mentor
Rebbes - Rabbis, teachers
Refua sheleima - (A wish for) a complete recovery
Regah - One moment
Rosh Yeshiva - The head of a yeshiva
Sanhedrin - Court of Jewish law
Seder - Session of learning
Sefer -A book or religious text
Seforim - Plural of sefer
Segula - A mystical ritual performed for one’s benefit or protection
Shabbat shalom - A Sabbath greeting
Shabbos - The Sabbath, beginning at sunset Friday night and ending an hour after sunset Saturday night
Shabbosim - Plural of Shabbos
Shacharis - The morning prayer
Shadchan - Matchmaker
Shalom - Hello/goodbye/peace
Shalom Aleichem - Song sung at the Sabbath table on Friday nights/Greeting
Sheitel - A wig worn by some religious married Jewish women
Shekels - Israeli currency
Shema - One of the central prayers of Judaism proclaiming the oneness of G-d and the love between G-d and the Jewish people
Shemonah Esrey - The central, silent prayer recited daily
Shidduch - A potential match for marriage
Shul - Synagogue
Shulchan Aruch -The Code of Jewish Law;” a compilation of rulings on Jewish law
Siddur - Jewish prayer book
Simchas - Joyous religious occasions
Sirtuk - Silk robes worn by men in certain sect of the ultra-orthodox community
Smicha - Rabbinical ordination
Sokar - “Sugar,” an Arabic term of endearment
Streimels - Fur hats worn by men in certain sects of the ultra-orthodox community
Talmud - A Jewish text concerning law, practice, and theology that serves as the basis for Rabbinic Judaism
Tefillin - Boxes containing the Shema written on parchment that are worn during morning prayers
Tehillim - Psalms
Teimoni - Yemenite
Tichel - A lightweight scarf worn by some religious married Jewish women
Torah - 1.The five books of the Bible written on parchment 2. The whole body of Judaism
Tzaddik - Righteous person
Tzaddikim - Plural of tzaddik
Tzedaka - Charity
Ulpan - A Hebrew language program designed for immigrants
Yarmulka - A head covering worn by religious men and boys
Yerushalayim - Jerusalem
Yerushalmi - Jerusalemite
Yeshiva - A Jewish school devoted to religious studies
Yeshiva bochur - A young male enrolled in a Jewish religious school
Yeshivos - Plural of yeshiva
Yidden - Jews